Today I’m happy, motivated, Inspired, dedicated. I’m excited for my future, I refuse to let my Past to dictate my present.
“MOTIVATION”
Christmas Eve 1995, my mother took my brother and I to our Grandparents house. My uncle was opening his present’s, “Oh, wow Super Nintendo!” I shouted, excited for my present. My Grandfather walked towards me and handed me an envelope and It read, “****** you misbehaved this year, so your not getting any presents.” From Santa. I showed the letter to my mother and noticed how her eye’s lid up and upset she was. She grabbed ***** and I and stormed out the house. I was confused by this point, Our walk home she told me, “Mijo, you know why Santa didn’t bring you present’s?” “Yeah, because I’m a bad kid,” “No!” she shouted crying, “That’s not your home, Santa came to our home and dropped off your presents there!”
I vividly, remember seeing my mother sobbing and so hurt, I guess from feeling like foreigner’s and the rejection from our own family member’s. I recall telling my self, “I’m show you how a bad kid I’m Mr. Santa.” Allowed me to share my background, I was born in South Los Angeles on June 6, 1987 to my wonderful mother ********. I never knew nor met my father, I have two brother’s ***** the oldest and ***** the youngest. Being raised in that part of Los Angeles walking to school or playing at the park all I seen was drug addicts, gangmembers, and criminals. In 2002, I started hanging around negative people and I committed an assault and kidnapping and was sentence to 7 months in Juvenile hall. I noticed how devastated my mother was, so upon my release I promised to stay out of trouble, which I did.
My mother was my light, compass, sister and father. ***** ***** ***** passed away on June 2nd 2005, four days before my 18th birthday. She was 37 years old, ***** was 21 and ***** was 10. This was one of my darkest moments, I lost my light, guidance, Protector, my captain. I became co-dependent to alcohol and dugs to mask my pain, fear, and anger I developed a victim mentality and grew callus in my judgements, choices, and perception.
April 1st, 2007, my amazing son ***** ***** ***** was born, I was so naive that I allowed my fear to take over my life. By this time I became a full blown addict I tried anything to escape my reality.
May 9, 2009 I transformed my life, I took a man’s life and attempted to take another, I was sentence to 34 years to life for a murder. A level 4 Prison Yard is where they house California’s notorious inmate’s. I felt like “learning how to swim with the sharks.” As a 22 year old boy stuck in a grown man’s body I grew acceptance and anti-social behavior issues and became more of a barbaric that I volunteer to committ an assault on a inmate with a deadly weapon. In 2013, I got placed in the security. Housing. Unit (S.H.U.)
The S.H.U is Prison inside Prison, we’re on lock-down 23 hours a day. This was my turning point in life. God cam into my life and allowed me to Plant the Seed of Preseverance, fortitude, and change. Dhammapada Verse 78 Say’s “Don’t associate with evil friends, with rogues do not resort. Spend your time with noble friends, and worthy ones consort.”
In 2016 I was able to stay way negative people and made down to a lower level Prison. I obtained a “Computer Literacy Vocation, In 2018, I earned my G.E.D, 2019 enrolled at Palo Verde College and in my second semester I made it on the dean’s list, 2020, I earned 3 certificates of Career Preparations in “Business Literacy,” “Small Business Management,” and “American Sign Language.” Summer 2022, I earned my Associates in Art’s degree in Business Technology. Now I’m practicing gratitude with myself and situations that forced me to develop strength of character (Patience, Persistence, and the brahmaviharas.) I appreciate that I have learned Persistence and equanimity from dealing with Unreasonable People like myself. I found my Purpose in writing, I finished writing my book “Adventures of a Champion.” for at-risk youth with Poor Judgement like myself. Each chapter ends with a positive affirmation relating back to the dialogue to inspire and motivate our youth. My book is to empower him/her to make the right decision’s in life. The Buddha said “These two people are hard to find in the world. Which two? The one who is first to do a kindness, and the one who is grateful and thankful for a kindness done.” AN 2:118. In the Process of being mindful and conscious of yourself, you learn about the nature of our mind and body. Eventually, your mind understands and becomes free of what was encumbering it. This leads to profound understanding of the mind, which leads to Peace and happiness. Today I’m happy, motivated, Inspired, dedicated. I’m excited for my future, I refuse to let my Past to dictate my present.
“I must un-learn, what I learn, in order to learn, how to live life.”
– E. Pride
This letter is presented unedited and in its entirety. Names have been redacted for privacy.
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